Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my fathers birthday.  Happy Birthday Dad!!

Growing up I think we all at some point revolt, push back, and fight our parents.  We as humans are growing up and growing into who we will be some day.  In that self exploration and development there is a great amount of revolution and turmoil against the establishment.  In this case, the establishment being my parents.  I am sure there are plenty of times where we clashed and where my anger spilled over into boiling teenage angst, only to be told just wait till you get older.  Wait till you have kids...

My parents are the loving supportive type that I am sure at the time were frustrated and angry at us for pushing back so hard...but at the same time forgiving enough to understand that we were kids and we still had a great deal to learn.

Life can be a powerful teacher.

Of course without my dad I wouldn't know the value of hard work, an ethos that he preached and practiced.  I wouldn't know the value of saving money (I think he might still have his communion money stashed away somewhere).  I wouldn't know the value of laughter and the strength of a strong family bond.  Without that I wouldn't be the man I am today, I wouldn't be the parent I am today.

Now that I have a child (soon to be children) of my own I find myself saying "I am becoming my parents..."  OR..."Man, I sound just like my dad."  I look in the mirror and see him telling me just wait till you have kids.

I may not have ever said it enough as a teenager dad, but even when I was a little sh*t and mouthed off deep down I knew you were right.  Deep down in my core I hated that you were right and now I look back and realize that I am glad you were so damn correct.  I am happy that you stuck it out and pushed us to go to college, you taught us patience, and also made us humble.  I am glad I had a strong male influence in my life to guide me and mold me.  Not many people are that lucky, for that I am blessed.

I hope some day I can do that for my sons.

Love you Dad, Happy Birthday,

Ron

(P.S. Sorry for causing you to have so much gray hair... :)

Flashback 6 months ago...

On Friday Christine, Noah, and I traveled out to a close friends house to visit with them and their new 3 week old.  We took over a meal ready to eat for them...well more like a meal ready for their crockpot for the weekend, and spent some quality time talking and trading "war" stories.

They are so happy to be parents, but they are exhausted and learning to adjust and cope with the ever demanding schedule of first time parenthood.  The constant feedings, the crying, the diapers, and the endless stream of visitors and well wishers through the home.

It got me thinking, you know, no matter what people tell you about having your first child, NOTHING prepares you for that first few weeks or months.  Friends and family can tell you that you won't sleep, you will be emotional wrecks, you will be exhausted but NOTHING prepares you for the reality.  

The amount of strain and stress that a newborn puts on the parents is immense.  That's no joke, you are taking care of a little being that is 100% dependent on you 100% of the time.  The reward though is that first smile.  That first recognition that you are mommy or you are daddy.  The first few weeks feel like a thankless task.  That the baby doesn't love you or care that you care so much about him/her.  The reality is they are lost without you and they need you. 

If your situation is anything like ours was, then as a husband/father you are watching your wife struggle with the reality that she is the primary food source for your child as well.  She is responsible for all the feedings 24/7.  The best possible thing you can do as the father is EVERYTHING else to make it easier.  There is NOTHING you can do about your wife not sleeping through the night, but you can change all the diapers when you are home.  You can handle the baths, you can clean the house, prepare the meals, and tell her everything will be fine when she cries.  

Speaking of crying, there isn't much you can do about that either.  You can do something nice she will cry, you can do something mean, she will cry, you can do nothing at all, she will cry.  Until those hormones get back in check she will be an emotional rollercoaster.  Be patient, be calm, and ride it out she needs you more then ever those first few months.  

The importance of doing everything else for your child while your wife plays the part of feed machine is that you form an inseperable bond between father and child.  That is something that will stick with you and your child forever.  

The first few weeks feel like an eternity, between all night feedings, wet diapers every hour or two, spit-up, and visitors it really feels like baby-hell.  But the amazing thing about time, regardless of how slow it is ticking past is that it keeps moving forward.  One day you put the baby to bed at his/her normal bedtime, and wake up at 6 am and think, OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHILD!  You jump out of bed rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, run down the hallway, spring into their room, stick your head down in the crib only to hear the sweet sigh of your sleeping child.  You pause for a second and then realize that you just got more sleep in one night than you have in the last week, you smile to yourself, and crawl back into bed with your wife, only to hear the cries of your child calling you back for breakfast.  

For all my friends or readers who are first time parents, first time expecting parents, or someday wanna-be parents... The first few weeks/months will be a very trying time, stick with it.  IT GETS BETTER.  MUCH, MUCH, BETTER!